SlapDash

For the first time in my life I've came to the realization that I am actully pretty content where I am at right now. God's given me wonderful parents and extended family who--- I need to write more, but that's beside the point---who care for me, listen to me, and help me out wherever they can. God has also given me awesome friends who also care for me, listen to me, help me out, chew me out, and whatever else they can do. I am sooo thankful for the people that God has placed in my life. Up until very recently I was rather frustrated with life, I didn't have "exactly what I wanted, exactly when I wanted it" and I was impatient (I will admit there are days when I still am too, it's called human nature and you can't rid yourself of it entirely) but I was constatly unhappy and always dwelling on the lack of a certain aspect of my life. But now that I really sit back and think about it, I'm totally enjoying what I have here and I am not going to cloud it by worrying about what the future might bring. Maybe God will lead me to a certain place/person that I want, (which I believe He may be) or maybe He has something else, either way I'm not going to let it worry me now. God's got an awesome plan and though I don't get it now, I'm not going to obsess about it because it just depresses me and makes me focus on something that isn't there yet when I really should be focusing on NOW.

Labels: personal, random thoughts

Think of the things in life that you believe (maybe not 100% sure about yet) are God's will. Is it "God's will" because you want it sooo bad that you convince yourself that it's God's will so you can have it, or is it God's will because He has clearly illustrated to you that His hand is in all of of it? There are people in this world who believe that if the subject is in question is something that you really want, it's probably not God's will, but what about Psalm 37:4 where it says "Delight yourself in the Lord and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart." There is an element of surrendering to what God wants and He changes your desires; but then if there is a desire planted in your heart, is that of God or self? and How do you know? I was plagued with this question last night as I was lying in my bed and really questioning my motives in a certain area of my life. Is it possible to look at circumstances and situations leading up to a certain aspect of your life and MAKING them look as if it is God's will in your life to justify your choice and in doing so MAKING yourself believe religiously that that really is God's will without knowing that you are the one making the circumstance appear to be God's direction. And if that is possible, and you were really honestly searching for God's will wouldn't He guard you from that mistake because you are trying earnestly to walk in his paths? The answer to all these questions is to pray about it and ask God to give you peace; but can we subconsiously shut out God from the desicion even in the midst of our prayers so we can have what we want. Maybe I am confusing this entirely too much but I personally am sooo scared to declare anything "God's will" for fear of being incredibly incredibly wrong and hurting everyone involved beyond repair. Someone once told me that when you are unsure where God is directing, start working for a Goal and keep working for it until God says "NO" and I think that is the best advice I've ever gotten and I go back to it often when I am in question of what I am supposed to be doing. But what if I get soooo clouded by the goal and the goal becomes a "god" to me and I no longer hear the voice of GOD telling me when and where to step and I miss the part where God openly says "no." I guess I just have to have faith and patience-the two things in my life that I lack the most. And I have to be willing to surrender even the most passionate desires of my heart for God's will and have the faith to realize that even if God's will is what I am desiring God will bring about in a perfect way and have the patience to wait for His timing. And if God's will is something else I need to have the faith that whatever it is, it will be 100 times better than what I am desiring. Increase my faith and patience Lord.

Labels: God's will, personal, random thoughts

Have you ever wanted 2 things equally? Haha, I've came to a conclusion in my life that no matter what the situation there is always something you want more! I was reminded of that this week... one of my friends asked me what "NIKKI" wanted and I named off two things that were both very good, and he smiled and nodded and said but which one does Nikki want more? I said that I would be content with either. He said ok, then prove it; and he took a quarter out of his pocket and designated the 2 things that I wanted with a heads and a tails and then said that whatever the coin said I must follow. He flipped the coin and then covered it before I could see it, then he said "Best two out of three??" I raised my eyebrows wondering what that coin flip said. Having an idea that the coin had flipped heads, and him being able to read my facial expression, he pushed me to two out of three... He flipped again... He smiled and said ... 50% and then he flipped on last time and covered it before I could see it. He asked, "What do You want this to be," and all the sudden it became clear to me what I wanted but I did not answer. He asked, "what would you say if I told you it was heads..." my shoulders dropped and I hung my head a little then he proceeded to show me that the Quarter actully said tails, and he said "I told you knew what you wanted... NOW go pray about it... I guarentee if God's in it he'll give you what you really want as long as your patient!!! Now I'm not saying that life's problems can be solved by flipping a coin, but it is nice to figure out where you stand on things and then surrender it over to God, and He'll complete the rest.